Nil
by BlackRaptor93
Summary: A Special Infected tries to come to terms with his new life and remember who he once was. Can he retain his humanity or will he sink into madness?
1. Not Human Anymore

The stall was close and tight as she sat on the toilet, shaking and crying lightly as she listened to the footsteps outside, drawing ever closer. She was shaking so hard she thought she was going to be sick but she kept it in, head in her hands now.

She had left him. The one guy in her life who she had cared for she'd fled from when the horde came.

_It was his fault! _She reminded herself _He went through the metal detector with his watch on! _

But even knowing that he alerted the throng of zombies in the flight lounge couldn't stop the guilt of seeing the mass of infected leap on him, so many she couldn't see his body under the howling mass as she ran sobbing to the bathroom.

She wasn't sure how she escaped… even now, an hour later; she didn't know why they let her go, let her cower here like some beaten dog.

A click of the door being opened alerted her to someone (or something) entering, but she could tell from the way the feet moved it was not a casual passing common, but someone living!

Hannah opened the stall and quietly peeked out, and gasped.

There, in the door way, framed by the light was her boyfriend. She couldn't see his face, but she knew it was him.

"Michael!" She cried, standing up she ran for him, but froze as she saw his face and neck. His neck was huge, thick with muscle – she never remembered that… and his eyes, his eyes where as black as night.

He was Infected.

"No!" She sobbed, backing away as he took a step forward, a grin splitting his face as she ran back to the stall and shut herself in, starting to cry.

The thing that had been Michael threw its head back and howled, the sound making her cry out and cover her ears, the glass cracking from the pitch. As he stopped, his cry was answered by another howl – but this was not of one person, but many.

She yelped as she realised he had called a horde on her – her beloved boyfriend had just doomed her.

The rushing of feet and the howling of infected met her as the door to the bathroom was smashed back, and a score of infected flung themselves at her stall, making her scream in fright. The door to her stall smashed and rocked, the lock staying firm as the horde beat on it. Several more reached under the partition, clutching at her feet as she yanked them back up onto the toilet, sobbing harder.

A grim realisation settled over Hannah as she realised the lock wouldn't hold, and even then smaller commons would eventually work out to climb over the top or underneath the door.

It was all too much and she started to scream, rocking back and forth

"MICHAEL!" She cried knees to her chest her screams whipping the horde into an even greater frenzy, the lock starting to bend as the zombies smashed themselves full force against the door, when finally the lock gave.

She felt broken nails clutch her arms as she was dragged out onto the lino by the horde, feeling feet and hands smash against her, grabbing for her flesh she cried out in pain, begging it to stop.

Michael offered a short, sharp bark as the commons backed off, looking to him. Hannah whimpered as she got to her feet slowly, Michael stepping forward he gripped her arms she yelped as he pulled her to him, lips on hers she gasped, kissing him back, forgetting what he was for a moment.

Michael broke the kiss with a soft growl, looking into her eyes he grinned

"You left me." He whispered "You made me what I am."

She shook her head violently

"No! Michael I-"

"SHUT UP!" He roared, pushing her to the floor she started to sob as he knelt down

"Bye bye you bitch." He hissed, and with a hiss the Horde fell upon her again, kicking and punching, teeth and claw…

And this time Michael did not stop them.

***

When the Horde had killed her, after a long five minutes or her screaming and pleading (it had gotten quite annoying by the end), the thing that had been Michael looked over the broken corpse that had been his girlfriend for three years, and felt nothing. His name was gone – who was he? What was he?

He wandered from the bathroom, pushing past the milling infected as calm descended over him.

He was nothing-

He was Nil.

**A:N! This is my first Published Fanfic, so please comment and review!   
Nil is a Howler, my own special Infected… he is like a Screamer but he has limited control over the horde he summons and of course, is not mindless**


	2. The Taste Of Blood

The store was dark, but Nil paid it no attention as he looked around the record store, his enhanced eyes picking out the layout like it was as bright as day. He noted there were two serving counters, one at the front to left and another at the back. He couldn't remember coming here before, but then he didn't remember much of who he was. He did remember, in the two weeks since he changed, that he liked to listen to music in his spare time, hence why he decided to find the nearest music shop.

The Howler stepped through the doors and up one of the isles, a bag swinging in his hand with a slight crunch of plastic. That was another thing he had learned – he couldn't eat anything but meat, as he had learned a week before when he tried to eat some chocolate and went into painful convulsions moments later. So, he had stopped by the local store and looted (he preferred the term 'borrowed') some cans of tuna and a couple of packets of cooked ham.

He chuckled softly to himself as he put his bag on the counter, deciding to search the back room. He paused as he passed a novelty mirror, looking at his complexion. His neck was thick and heavy set, his eyes a deep black. His hands ended in claws and he all around felt stronger, like he could be a bodybuilder or something – no, he felt stronger than even that. Stepping past the counter he stepped into a storeroom.

Nil's mind briefly wandered to the airport as he rummaged around the back, picking up a couple of Cd's he had not seen on the way in, pausing as he heard a noise out in the store itself.

Quietly pocketing the Cd's, he stepped outside slowly, eyes picking out a shape hunched over his bag in one of the isles – which has apparently been stolen from the counter. He growled, looking over to the shape and realising it was a Hunter.

It looked about Nil's age, nineteen, but the hoodie it wore was a bit baggy for it. Luckily it was too focused on the Ham, wolfing down chunks, to notice Nil creeping up behind it.

With one clawed arm he reached down and yanked the bag away, the Hunter spinning with a growl as he looked up at Nil, eyes glinting.

"Hey!" The Hunter growled "that was mine!"

Nil growled back, shaking his head

"No, it was mine. I put it down to go check something in the back." He replied slowly, holding the bag away

"Piss off! You're lying!" The Hunter growled, its legs pushing off the ground, too fast for even Nil to react it grabbed the bag in its teeth, turning away it began to scamper down the isle to the front door on all fours – if Nil let it get out he could never catch it.

Something in Nil's mind, twisted by the Infection, snapped. His anger problem, amplified by the change, roared to life as he sprinted after the infected before him, snarling with pure animal rage. The young hunter was fast, but as it turned its head to see if Nil had given chase it tripped, its right arm skidding out from under it suddenly and leaving the hunter flat on its face with a grunt, the bag falling from its teeth. It quickly got onto its hands and knees scrabbled to grab the bag, but Nil was on the poor thing in a second.

He grabbed the hunter by its hood and yanked violently to the side, so hard the hood tore but the hooded infected was flung into the nearby CD rack, yelping in pain as it toppled over from the impact, the Hunter once again being sent sprawling.

"Please! Stop!" The Hunter cried out, its arrogance suddenly gone. But Nil was not himself, the bag forgotten – his mind was a burning desire to kill, and the cries fell on deaf ears as he grabbed the infected by the throat, heaving him up. The hunters his face now visible due to the torn hood – the infected feared for his life, his lip trembling over fanged teeth, eyes wide.

Nil simply growled, tightening his grip as the hunter began to gasp and choke. But the hoodless infected had one last trick up its sleeve that Nil did not expect. It curled its knees to his chest and kicked out.

A Hunters legs are far more powerful than any other Infected's, being designed to propel them in great leaps and bounds. This force was concentrated into Nil's stomach, launching him across the store and into the wall with a grunt. As he slumped down, dazed and winded, the hunter was gasping for breath as it scrabbled upwards, lunging for the bag.

But Nil staggered to his feet, eyes locking on the hunter again as he charged across the floor, and hit the hunter with all of his body weight, propelling them both back into the front desk to the right of the door. The poor thing screeched in agony as something snapped in its chest, tears falling from its eyes.

"Please! It hurts!" The Hunter choked out, breathing ragged from the broken rib, lashing out blindly with its claws. One handful connected with Nil's face, scoring a deep line of bloody marks from his cheek to his mouth. Nil roared from the sudden pain, his fist coming back as he punched the hunter in the face, once, twice, three times. He felt the nose beneath his fist crunch and snap, the figure he held writing harder, the screams of agony becoming louder as Nil used his chest to pin the infected to the counter, fists rising and falling, red with blood.

Nil stopped for a moment, the hunters face a mess of red – it didn't look human anymore, or even anything remotely infected, its face one big red sticky mess. It coughed, blood running from its mouth, eyes pleading for him to stop, eyes as dark as his own, eyes that he wanted gone.

A grin split his face as he raised his two thumbs, claws glinting as the hunter realised what was coming, it screeched as best it could, thrashing wildly as Nil's thumbs slowly dug into its eyes. It howled in agony, Nil feeling pops beneath his claw as he dug deeper, grinning in bloodlust at the damage he had caused. When the hunter's struggles grew less and less, and then finally ceased, Nil picked up the hunter and heaved it above his head, smashing it again and again against a cabinet filled with disks, the wooden construction denting, then breaking, as it collapsed in on itself for the beating, the glass shattering. Still Nil beat the lifeless body against the broken display case, his clothes and the mangled pile of wood and glass. gradually becoming a mess as the hunters blood and other substances stained them.

Finally, his urge to kill dropped as he dropped the hunter's mangled corpse to the ground, sinking down against the counter and to the carpeted floor that was a bloody, stained mess. His breathing was heavy as he slowly regained his sanity, his breathing becoming more stable as he looked to the hunter, only just realising what he had done. He felt no remorse, but he was almost… glad. He needed that, but he also knew the hunter perhaps did not deserve it. He shrugged slightly to reason to himself.

He felt a pain in his chest from the Hunters powerful kick, feeling around he winced, feeling a rib shift under his fingers he winced, but happy that was the only thing that was damaged – it could have been worse.

Standing up he looked down at himself, smiling as he needed some new clothes. Looking for the bag he found it, picking it up he walked out slowly, humming to himself as he left the ruined store and the Hunter's corpse to the flies.


	3. Sorrow and Understanding

Night fell quickly on the town as Nil sat on top of one of the garages that lined a loading dock for a nearby shopping centre. Despite the grunts and moans of the Common Infected milling below, it was oddly peaceful, the wind gently buffeting him but in a way that was soothing.

After the 'incident' with the Hunter in the music store, Nil had travelled quite a distance looking for a good clothing shop. Finding one, he had gotten changed into what he dimly remembered he looked like before – he had found a pair of gloves, sunglasses (The sun hurt his enhanced eyes), a black button shirt and some tracksuit bottoms that fitted.

However, he had swiftly devoured his ham and tuna and his hunger was still a solid knot in his stomach. He had a craving for something but he couldn't for the life of him work out what it was. The pain was growing worse and worse by the hour, but he managed to forget about it to the best of his ability.

The store was too far away now, and to be frank he couldn't be bothered to make the trek, at least not now. Hell, it had been a walk getting from the airport to-

A sudden pain shot through his stomach and he grunted, holding his stomach, eyes clenched shut as the pain gradually subsided and he could release his stomach.

He sighed softly to himself as he looked down on the poor souls who where so alike him. Unlike him, however, those not mutated by the virus suffered a mental relapse and became no better than animals. Nil shuddered softly, standing up he flicked his brown hair back from his eyes.

"I'm alone." He muttered quietly as his black eyes scanned the tarmac below him, and blinked as a few tears fell down his cheeks. He raised one claw and cleaned them, but they wouldn't stop.

Images – memories – flooded into his mind, snatches of emotion and pictures that he couldn't place. He started to cry harder as he saw himself (was it really him?) and the girl he had killed in the airport bathroom holding hands, kissing… lying in bed together…

_"I love you…"_ The girl whispered to him in the memory, kissing him softly.

His knees buckled and Nil sank to the roof, a sharp pain going through his knees as his claws clenched against his palms, his sobs becoming louder and louder, a low wail as he heard the mindless wretches below him get excited, growling and yelping.

He crawled to the edge of the roof, his stomach aching horribly now, grief consuming him. Looking over the side into the darkness that shouldn't have been that clear, he saw several Commons throwing themselves at each other, fighting and clawing, their aggression unsated, Nil's cries driving them further into madness.

Nil's wail now turned into a scream of anguish as he threw his head back and howled into the night, so loud it seemed the ground shook

"WHO ARE YOU?!" He screamed to himself, to the girl in his mind as he slowly got to his feet, the sadness suddenly and scarily leaving him, replaced by nothingness, an odd calm that sent ice down Nil's infected spine.

Several cries answered him as more common infected flooded into the loading bay from everywhere – nearby houses, behind trucks and over fences, all drawn by his cries of confusion.

Those that had just joined now launched themselves at the fighting commons until below looked like a giant moshpit, a mass of writing, screeching aggressive bodies that wanted nothing more than violence.

At the sight of this, Nil's calm changed to anger. It was low at first, but as he watched several infected stagger out of the heap before falling dead to the ground, heads and chests caved in, it grew. It grew because they where mindless – they where infected, rabid animals. They had taken everything from him and left him so confused, so alone in a world that he didn't understand, in a body that scared him.

They had taken his mind from him.

"JUST FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF AND DIE!" He roared to the brawl below, his anger boiling over as the commons began to fight with renewed vigour at his screaming voice. He took a step back before he leapt from the roof, sailing through the air with all the grace of a bull.

He landed heavily in the mass, feeling bodies' crunch under his impact as he lashed out with his fists, crushing heads, snapping necks and caving chests in. The commons, in their blind rage, hit him back, their fists and feet hammering him all over like sledgehammers. But Nil was in a blind rage, snarling with frustration as he found himself forced out of the scrum by a lone male common infected in a stained business suit that had gotten a good grip on his shoulders.

The pair rolled a few times over the tarmac, ending up with the common on top. Nil got a good look at its face, and winced. Blood ran down from under its blonde hair from a blow that must have cracked its skull, its bloodshot eyes filled with a hatred that could never be sated or calmed. It was probably once someone's son, father or husband, and that brief thought both upset and maddened Nil further. As the Howler grabbed the opposing Infected's arms in a tight grip the common hissed, snapping for his face with broken teeth as Nil heaved, pushing it off. It staggered, and tensed to go for him again with a snarl, when the world exploded in a hail of… gunfire?

He yelped, his anger vanishing as he cowered from the noise, his infected side taking over for a moment. The commons stopped fighting, seeing new prey they tried to untangle themselves from each other as gunfire ripped into their bodies.

When the gunfire died down, Nil opened his eyes, and saw several figures moving towards him from the now open gates of the yard. He growled low, preparing to spring, when they stepped into the light of a street lamp and he gasped.

Humans, the first he had seen since he changed.

There where three of them – two males and one female. The oldest male who looked about forty held a shotgun in both hands and had shaggy brown hair with green eyes. The other male looked around Nil's age with black hair (not too dissimilar to the common he was wrestling with previously, Nil shuddered) and blue eyes that where far older than his age.

The eldest male walked over, extending a hand. Nil looked at it for a second, before taking it and hauling himself up.

"Are you hurt? Did they get you?" The elder man asked, looking Nil over. He shook his head

"No, I'm fine…immune" He grunted, looking at the group "It's nice to see some sane people around instead of the Infected."

The younger man pepped up "I guess we should introduce ourselves, eh? I'm Steven, the old man is David and this lovely young woman is Amy, my Girlfriend."

Nil smiled, nodding, his eyes briefly fixing on Amy's stomach, and he realised with horror what his hunger was for. Them. He grunted softly, lowering his gaze as his stomach felt like ice mixed with fire.

"You alright, Mr…" David asked softly, frowning

"Nil… call me Nil." The Howler replied softly, sighing.

"What kind of name is that?" Steven laughed heartily.

"MY name." Nil snapped back with a snarl, fists clenched, eyes fixed under his glasses on Steven – how badly for that split second he wanted to rip apart, taste his sweet fle-

Luckily, Steven's reply snapped him out of that momentary sanity loss.

"Woah! Sorry dude!" Steven stammered "Didn't mean to offend…"

Nil waved it off as Steven gave a small smile

"You sure as hell did a number on those commons! You take martial arts?"

"No, I don't… I'm just different." Nil shrugged softly.

"We heard screaming, which led us here and to you." David replied softly, clapping Nil on the shoulder, making Nil flinch slightly.

"Where were you going?" Nil asked them all quietly.

"The Airport…" Amy finally spoke up, her voice meek as Nil gasped softly.

"What's wrong?" Amy asked softly.

"The Airport… I was going there with someone…" Nil whispered quietly, a tear falling but this time he kept calm "But anyways… we need somewhere to hole up for the night, it's not safe to travel when it's dark."

They all nodded.

"This way, we have somewhere that's safe nearby." David smiled softly "If you're coming with us?"

"Yeah…I am" Nil nodded slowly, and as the group walked towards the gate, Nil whimpered lightly.

The Airport – Nil knew there was a slim chance of them escaping there, if they didn't find out what he was and kill him first.

All the while his eyes where fixed on Amy.


	4. Memory and Truth

AN: Thank you to my reviewers! It means so much to me that you've taken time to review, so thank you VERY much! 

Also, Infected on Infected talking will be in Ittalics from now on 

---

The trip to the safehouse (that the Howler found out was in the church) was relatively uneventful other than attacks by a few small hordes, but it was nothing the newly formed group couldn't handle. Nil had found the safehouse to be quite roomy and spacious, comprising of two levels divided by a ladder and a trap door. Amy, trying to lighten to mood, had opened a few cans of beans and passed them out with a smile. Nil had declined graciously, stating he'd already eaten.

"So…" Steven replied while licking the last of the cold beans off his fork, turning to Nil "What's your story, Man?"

Nil looked up from his thoughts, his expression blank for a moment as a hand touched his CD player.

"My story?" He replied quietly, folding his arms calmly, before sighing. "It's long."

"We have time." Steven laughed, gesturing around slightly.

Nil growled slightly, before sighing, fists clenching out of sight under his crossed arms

"I was going to the airport with someone…"

"Who?" Steven asked, determined, apparently, to get something juicy or disgusting.

"SOMEONE." Nil snapped back, but calmed down as Steven flinched, David's eyes glancing up to him, before he carried on eating.

"I don't know who, alright?" Nil growled softly, standing up he climbed up the ladder, slamming the trap door he turned, pacing upstairs, fists clenched. His anger was rising swiftly, and he fought to keep it down and in check. If he lost it…

"Let him sulk. Poor son of a bitch deserves it." He heard David whisper below, but Nil's hearing made it all too clear.

He whined lightly, his stomach shooting pain he grunted, staggering over to a barred window he was surprised to see the bars where not firmly locked, and as he tugged they came free.

Nil gave a small smile as the window opened and he climbed out onto the roof, being careful to put the bars back so if the others came up they wouldn't suspect he had climbed out.

In truth, Nil hated being indoors more than almost anything else. He made sure he had a secure handhold as he made it to the top of the gigantic roof and sat in the pale moonlight, eyes adjusting instantly. He gave a small smile as he let the wind whip his hair back; arching his back for a split second his hunger left him. He was filled with pure joy, feeling so alive at that one moment he felt he could be God.

That was until something slammed into his chest with enough force to pitch him backwards and send him and his attacked rolling down the slate and straight off the edge.

They twisted in the air, landing on the grass in the graveyard that fronted the church with a loud thump. The figure atop Nil landed with enough force to smash the wind out of him and send his broken rib crazy.

He growled with shock, pain and anger, raising a gloved hand to strike whatever it was on top of him when he froze in utter shock.

The figure was that girl. The girl who he had seen in his mind, who had tormented his thoughts… who he had killed.

Her skin was flawless, almost like marble her long blonde hair matted with blood and dirt. Her eyes shone a deep red, her teeth fangs…

She was a Hunter…

He paused, tentivaly switching languages to Infected tongue. To humans it sounded like grunts, growls and moans but the Infected formed words out of it – a lot like how Humans speak different languages.

"_Who are you?"_ Nil whispered quietly, his voice a meek whimper _"I know you… don't I?"_

The girl gave a grin softly, straddling him in a way that was all too arousing – and Nil gulped

_"Yes darling… you do." _ She replied in a grin _"I've been searching for you since the day you thought you killed me…"_

Nil whimpered _"I'm sorry… please, I can't remember…"_

The Hunter raised one claw _"Its alright my Love…"_

"My Love?" Nil whispered, confused for a second, before the Hunters lips found his and they kissed, eyes closed Nil gave a soft growl of pleasure, remembering the feel of one body against another – and what usually came next…

Before the click of a Sub Machine Gun brought him back to the real world.

"You're infected, you bastard." He heard Steven's voice, and he knew with horror they had seen everything…


End file.
